Today I am going to be serious. I usually joke and play but I am so hurt right now...Relationships are a hard thing. Yeah its is a beautiful thing when you have one person that you are dealing with, but there is so much that goes into it. Trust, Honesty, Commitment, Time, etc...
It is so hard because its like everything is all good until something comes up.
And arguement, you dont see eye to eye, you dont like what the other person is doing etc...
Everything is damn near perfect until "negativity" gets in the way.I swear I am the type of person who even though I get into an arguement, disagreement, fight, whatever yeah I get emotionally, but I do sit back and think and try to come to a "resolution".
I hate fighting, I hate not having someone listen to my side and see where I am coming from. Because I do see things from another persons perspective and put myself in their shoes and then I start to go "Ok I can see where I was in the wrong, I apologize". But I never get that in return.
I know I am blogging and nobody really knows my situation but I am tired of feeling the way I do. Alot of things are my fault. I hold back alot, I have restrictions, and that is not the real me. Nobody understands I was in a THREE year relationship with someone I was 100% myself with. Sometimes its hard to try to do that again with a new person because everyone is different and I dont want to do things and get myself hurt.
So I put myself in a situation where I think I am saving myself and pushing someone else back. I messed up because now when I finally destroyed the walls around my heart...I feel like I am about to get stabbed in it. As soon as I get over my past hurt and feel like okay I am able to love again...this is what happens?
And it hurts so bad because now I feel like I lost his trust a little. He is starting to doubt me...We been through so much over this 1 1/2 time but I just know that its gonna get better not worse. I have never ever felt like this for a guy ever! Not even in my 3 year relationship...I really believe in us. Even when he acts like this...I think its commitmentphobia or something.
All I can say is I love him and I will just pray this is just a test from God to see how much I really do love him. I admit it I love him more than he knows...Thats why I want this to work.
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4 comments:
sister u don't feel any different in love than anybody else it's a fight, but always always ALWAYS worth fighting I'm going through my own issues with my boyfriend right now, but I'd give the world for him and I try to make sure regardless of any arguing he knows that. It's a battle but it's all worth it I swear
I dont quite know whats going on, but i agree with Princess. We all go through it when we're in committed relationships & if you feel as if its worth it, than you'll do what you have to do. I just celebrated my 4 yr annivrsary yesterday and ooo chile, i feel like ive been through war. lol. But the past yr and a half have been bliss because we battled through all the BS and drama early on. So keep pressing through and it will get better. You know your seasons...winter doesn't last forever...
girl, i feel ya pain. me and my ex just broke up last week after 6 yrs together and the its like going to hell and back.
^^^ Dang six years? That was a marriage girl....I thought my 3 years was long you double that!
Wow thank u guys for all the words of encouragement...I feel alittle better. I will let God handle it and give him space, thats all I can do.
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